*it will never end*
The sun from sadness will never ever shine, never. Sigh. Doulos team in eCF tonight. Here I am at home, sighing and mourning at my pathetic life. When will this ever end? Conflicts, frictions, unfortunate events. So unfair. My family, they never understand what I need. Every time when I go cf, they give me a look as if I don’t want to be at home anymore. I’m tired of answering to questions why didn’t I attend cf. When I see my friends serving in cf, worshiping, doing different kind of tasks, having all the opportunities to contribute, I want to be just like them. I want to be a part of the team and the busyness. But my situations and my surrounding create barriers, lots and lots of barriers for me to be just like the way I wanted it to be. For all these years, I have been so committed and unconditionally loving them, sacrificing my time and energy serving them. But in return, not even a little respect that I get from them. When they need my help to do their stuff, they just grab my time away. But when I need to do my things, I have to create strong reasons and make up a situation just to get back some of my own time. My time and my schedule, I have no right to take control of it. Try to talk with them? They will never see it from my point of view. Communication does not work around here. Sad. I do not ask for silver or gold. I just want their love and care. I want to have a life too. Why don’t they ever realize that? FAMILY, father and mother, I love you. But do they love me? Sob… (I do not mean to complaint, but I just can’t stand it anymore.)
