feLy’s

People say that life is like a circle that goes round and round. We do not stay at the same spot all the time. Sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down. Others say that living is just like driving. We always look in front when we drive, sometimes we look at the side and rear mirror to observe the cars behind us. But we cannot keep on looking at the mirror because that is what life is about. Once in a while we would recall back our past memories but we cannot stay there and we must keep on moving.

Life is beautiful. Life is interesting. Life is adventurous. Life is colourful. The other day when I’m feeling depressed and getting discouraged, I said to my roommate, “I know that life is meaningful only when it is colourful. But when too many colours add up together, eventually it will become black. So what’s the point adding colours in our life?” She then answered, “Only with the existence of black that we come to realization how beautiful the colours of rainbow are.” Somehow, she left a point for me to ponder. Maybe that is how life supposed to be. Maybe we can say that life is also like the colours in the world. As the painter of our own life, we ourselves choose what colour to paint in our life.

I have been very stressful these pass few weeks. It is getting worse as hours and days passed me by. But I kept silent. I cried in the absence of other living creatures. I questioned myself. I questioned God. I tried to venture all these feelings of mine. But I failed to get any solution. At certain points, I felt like stopping, I could not go any further. I don’t understand. But life must go on. So I kept everything aside as if nothing ever happened, for tomorrow is another day. And God says, “Come to me all of you who are over burdened and I will give you rest.” I think I really need that.

I know that everyone else have their own problems and all of us will feel depress once in a while. When people ask me what is it that makes me so stressful, I’m speechless. I just don’t know how to explain. Is it because of my studies? Is it because of the activities I’m involved in school? Is it because of my family? Or maybe is it because of the inefficiency in my own time management? I could not give out a definite answer. People might not understand it if I say the main factor that causes my miseries all this while is that I cannot fulfill everyone’s expectations. As I have said before, I know my limits, I know where I stand. Certain people around me are giving me pressures, be it big or small. They have such high expectations on me that I must say, sometimes, you have to lower down your expectations.

I believe that not a single human being on earth is perfect. There are so many weaknesses in our life. Decision is in our hands, whether to improve or just being ignorance. There are just too much colours to handle and I don’t think I can make it to the other side of the rainbow. Tears, could not stop flowing…